“Deep Listening”
I’ve been pondering the difference between deep listening and plain old regular listening. My theory is that our plain usual way of listening usually puts ourselves front and center. We are usually listening to see how the information we receive impacts us: do we like it, do we not, does it make us feel afraid, does it upset us. We, I think, are usually listening so we can gather just enough information so that we can respond in a way that will either protect us, or support our goals in some way. This kind of listening, though effective enough, has its clear limitations. When we train ourselves to only listen to the world to see how it can serve or benefit us, this is fine enough, but it tends to leave us treading water in a stunted experience of what life can offer.
Deep listening, I think, has to do with our whole range of awareness being attuned to this very moment. It is not completely dependent on our capacity to hear through our ears. It has been said that body language is more often an accurate picture of what is happening in any given situation, rather than verbal language. We have trained ourselves to pay attention only to language, and since language is built on interpretations upon interpretations, words can usually only take us so far. If we want to listen deeply, hearing beyond what is said in language is a real asset. Being able to take in the person(s) in front of us, to notice the environment, and maybe most importantly be able to stay with our own experience so that we can know what is going on inside us. It sounds like a lot to keep track of, and it is, and yet the experience of deep listening is more like an immersion.
As a minister, I’ve been trained in various ways to understand what deep listening might be. Thich Nhat Hanh says that “One hour of deep listening can bring about transformation and healing.” In my experience, even 5-10 minutes of deep listening can do more than any sermon, any piece of advice, any words that could be offered. I’ve experienced for myself and witnessed with others that giving people the support and permission to be present to their experience, especially if that experience is not what they want, is truly transformative. It can be a common trap that when someone is going through difficulty, we think we should do our best to get that person out of difficulty. Of course with obvious difficulties, this is right and possible – helping someone with some money, offering a recommendation, feeding a hungry person. But there are some difficulties that cannot be solved simply through a pithy statement or gesture. Deep listening is most appropriate when there are no clear or easy answers.
We live in a time now where there are few clear and ready made answers to problems we face. If anything, solutions may be a sly way of trying to remove ourselves from the prospect of deep listening to all that is going on right now. I have learned for myself that the only way I can practice deep listening is if I train myself to trust. I trust that some response that will be healing will come eventually. The response may not come from that immediate encounter, and it may not even come from myself, but I trust it will come if I listen with my whole body and mind for it. With that trust I can relax, and be alive breathing with another alive person who has problems and dilemmas just like I do. In our shared problems and dilemmas, manifested individually and uniquely, I trust something happens. I don’t always know what it is, and I don’t always feel it, but I trust that love will show itself eventually. In the time we are in, may we develop the willingness and practice to listen deeply to our own experience of this time, so that we can be present and available for others. Deep listening, I’m convinced, is crucial to the time we are living in. As a church community, we have opportunities to practice this together: being present for each other with tenderness, sharing the mission of transformation.
It is a gift to be alive with you all during this transformative time.
In faith,
Rev. Joseph