We all have a belly button. If we had to list some of things we have in common, the two at the top of the list is that we breathe oxygen and that we all have a mother. We don’t all have the same mother, or the same kind of mother, but we all have a mother. I asked my mother what I should say for a mother’s day sermon. She has a wonderful way of getting straight to the point. She said “just tell them that the only reason they have a minister is because of me. I gave birth to you, and they should thank me.” That’s a pretty good sermon, I have to say. I’m not sure I’m going to write that one exactly, hence the tension between mother and son, mother and daughter, mother and child. This tension between children and mom can be a creative or destructive force. It’s necessary, this tension. Without this tension, children would never grow up, and find their own way, make their own mistakes. You can disagree, look at life differently, even look at your own life differently, and yet the fact remains – your mother is your mother.
I don’t think we will fully ever understand this relationship. It’s too wondrous. My mother is right – I wouldn’t be here without her. She literally gave life to me – there’s no metaphor in that.
As we get older, if we’re fortunate, we get to see our mother more as a full person. We see where they came from, we see the lineage we’ve inherited. I look in the mirror and I see that inheritance – black hair, dark features. But a mother is much more than genetics. I see the habits I’ve picked up, or the ones I try to work on. I see the way my view of the world has been shaped, an imprint that will always be there, no matter how much I grow. I see attitudes and characteristics – stubbornness, tenacity, adaptability. At times, a bluntness.
I see now that I’m a bit older, that any mother- child relationship contains a deep expectation. Simply, we want to be loved. And we want our mother to love us, or at least someone that treats us how we imagine a mother would. We want to be understood. We want to be held. We want to be embraced. We want to know that we have a safe place in the world, and that when we are hurt, we will be taken care of. We want affection. We want a gentle kiss, a hug, someone to tell us they are there for us no matter what. We want one person to help us feel grounded, safe, and loved. And we want that person to be our mother.
Some of us were given just that. If you have a mother like that or had a mother like that, today is a day to honor that huge gift. The gift of someone that gave you life not just physically but spiritually. They gave you love – you received it, and it will always be part of you.
Most of us we’re given some of these things, and we’ve tried to pick up the pieces that were missing along the way. Sometimes this searching has led to great mistakes or embarrassment or unexpected meetings. Some of us have tried to get that love through romantic relationships, through adult intimacy. That’s natural – to seek what we desire or what we miss.
Some of us may feel that we got none of these things growing up. Maybe we never knew our mother, or whoever our mother was, they weren’t able to love us in a way we understood. Maybe there is pain or a sense of betrayal. Some us have a mother who has died; we’re left with the memory of love and the memory of things undone.
Regardless of the kind of mother we had or didn’t have, I think the end result is the same, though the path may look very different – we must honor them. We must figure out what it means to honor our mother, not just today on Mother’s day, but every day.
The gift of a mother cannot be overstated. I’ve had many mothers in my life. My birth mother literally gave me life, and gave all the love she had. I see now that it was much more than she was ever given she instilled in me a resilience and sense of pride. She taught me I could thrive, and find my way. But she was not my only mother. I’ve considered all my mentors mothers – both men and women. I’ve had people who I’ve resonated with who gave me the attention I needed at the time to find my next step. Some of these people have been ministers, professors, people I’ve met through volunteering.
What does it mean today to honor all those who have been mothers, and for us to honor ourselves?
I know there are mothers in this sanctuary. I’m talking about birth mothers. I’m also talking about those of you who have given yourselves to someone coming up, someone who yearned for your attention and love.
Honoring these mothers is the most direct way we honor life. I’ll repeat that for emphasis. Honoring these mothers is the most direct way we honor life. We are saying with our attitude – you’ve created me. I’ve come from you. You gave me a hug and affection when I needed it. You there – you stopped and talked with me when nobody else would. I would not be here without you. Without this kind of attitude, we will never know how wondrous our life is. We will make the grave mistake that we fully understand – that we understand our mothers, that we understand love or lack of love that we’ve figured out why everything is the way it is. Once we’ve done that, the only logical response is despair – we’ve left ourselves nowhere to go.
Honor opens the door to wonder, even if we think we have it all figured out, especially if think we have it all figured out. Out in front of the church I’ve included a quote by Picasso – “The chief enemy of creativity is good sense.”
I’ve had a couple members ask me in all seriousness – are you some kind of anti-rationalist? The way I interpret Picasso, is that to be creative, we must accept that some things are too wonderful. Some things we will never fully understand. As long as we honor with wonder those who have made us who we are, we have a chance at growing up. We can mature. And you know what; we have a chance to become a mother ourselves. We can give some of what we received, or some of what we always wished for. We can say what we’ve been wanting to hear – I love you. I’m proud of you. I’m here for you no matter what. You are so special to me. I look at you, and you know what I see – You are too wonderful.
