Though the camp-outs are large over, the Occupy movement still lives on in rich variety in many cities including Youngstown.  We’ll examine the influence the movement has had, the moral foundation of its actions, and prospects for the future.

Worship Leader:  Rev. Matt Alspaugh

Worship Associate:  Audra Carlson

Sarah Lowry, a member of the church and YSU student, will talk about activism, especially of youth, which emerged in response to the recent state and federal initiatives seeking to limit women’s access to reproductive health care.

Led by Rev. Matt Alspaugh

The Building Your Own Theology course invites each of us to develop our own religious understanding and a deeper sense of what each of us, individually, believes and values. The BYOT class will also help you develop a deeper understanding of Unitarian Universalism and perhaps make new friends.  This has been a popular and well received course at UUYO. Both newcomers to UUYO and long-time participants are encouraged to attend.

Matt Alspaugh

This homily was preceded by brief presentations by five people from five generations.

Conflict between young and old has always been with us, it seems. I remember seeing a poster that had these words on it: “I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words… When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly [disrespectful] and impatient of restraint”, and attributed (falsely, it turns out)[1] to the Greek poet Hesiod, twenty seven centuries ago.

Of course it goes both ways. In my generation, the tagline was, “don’t trust anybody over 30.[2]” So disagreement based on age, maturity, stage of life, has been going on a long time.

But what’s relatively recent is the idea that each of us is affected by the world events, technology, and culture of our childhood – and these events have a similar effect on all of us who were born within the same few decades. So we share cultural experiences with those people born around the same time as we were, and these common experiences give us similar outlooks on life. And of course, the next generation is formed by different experiences which give them a different outlook – and that’s the root of our “generation gap.”

The idea of generational differences was popularized in the 50s with the birth of the baby boom generation, those people born in the two decades or so after World War II. Born into relative prosperity, but also born into the Cold War, these babies, millions of them, grew up having power in numbers, and have tended to reject or at least redefine traditional values. The boomers have ruled the roost, for a long time, as marketers cater to their vast numbers, and their political power has increased as they age.

But other generations have their own characteristics. The Generation X folks, a much smaller group, often children of divorce, latchkey kids, children of the inwardly focused boomers, growing up in a country rocked by an energy crisis and political corruption, left to pick up the pieces from the wreckage left by the boomers.

The Millennials, or Gen Y, found themselves nurtured and protected, even overprotected as children, over-scheduled by hovering helicopter moms concerned by the threat of school shootings and terrorism, but the kids turn out all right.

And Gen Z, the Internet Generation, born into the post 9-11 Homeland security world, maybe too soon to tell what they are like, but not too soon to guess that they will adapt and grow up just fine too.

In 1991, historians William Strauss and Neil Howe wrote a book called Generations[3], that claimed there is a recurring generational cycle in American history. They suggest that there are four generational archetypes — they call these turnings — that repeat in a cycle. Thus, if you want to know what the Gen Z folks are going to be like, look four generations earlier, to the Veterans. So Kali [a Gen Z], look at Art [a Veteran]! Indeed, these historians see at least six complete generational cycles in American history. At the end of each cycle is a crisis — the American Revolution, the Civil War, the Great Depression and World War II, with a new crisis of similar proportions looming in the years ahead. It’s a fascinating read, even if you find the idea of these cycles and turnings a little too deterministic or ‘just so’.

But I want to caution that we can use and misuse generational identity just as we can use or misuse any of our other identities — race, gender, sexual orientation, personality. Unconsciously, or consciously, we use identity to make first impressions about people. Sometimes that is helpful. But we must be careful not to put people in a box based on their identity. We need to be careful not to use generational identity, just as we are careful not to use racial or sexual identity, to label people — ‘oh, that generation — he’s a boor’, or ‘oh, one of those people, she’s a slacker, for sure’. We need to do what my generation called ‘consciousness raising’, noticing and making conscious, becoming aware of our unconscious prejudices, so we can be ready to set them aside if they are not true for a given person.

Understanding generations also helps us understand systemic forces of good or ill on groups of people. Take millennials for example. They are said to be the first generation that, overall, will be less well off than their parents.[4] College tuition costs for them is three times what it was for boomers, and there is less grant money available to pay that tuition.[5] And yet, without college, the average millennial male will make 25% less than a similar boomer or X-er man did three decades ago.[6] So, there’s little wonder millennials have a different view about work, school, and money than their predecessors did.

Let’s also remember that church is one of the few places remaining in our society where people of different generations freely come together. Indeed, few of our families these days include three or four generations living together. The grown kids have moved away with the grand kids, and the old folks are off in the retirement home.

But here, today, we had five generations speaking to us. So in this church community we can learn from people of other generations, understand the specific situations of their upbringings, listen to their hopes and fears, find out what motivates them and gives them purpose.

Let us hold all of our generations with respect. Let us recognize and cherish the gifts that each person within each generation brings to us with their lives and their stories. Let us remember that all of us are different, and all of us have value, as unique human beings.

Notes:

1 http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Hesiod

2 http://www.bartleby.com/73/1828.html

3 Neil Howe and William Strauss, “Generations: The History of America’s Future, 1584 to 2069″ http://www.amazon.com/Generations-History-Americas-Future-1584/dp/0688119123/

4 http://www.truth-out.org/heather-mcghee-millennial-generation/1328972276

5 http://billmoyers.com/content/the-millennials-by-the-numbers/

6 ibid.

We are said to be defined by our times.  Do we approach the world differently from someone born a quarter century earlier, or later?  Are generational labels — X, Y, boomers, millennials — just another way to stereotype people?  This is a multigenerational service.

Worship Leader:  Rev. Matt Alspaugh

Worship Associate:  Ben Barnes

Ellen and Lowell Satre will show photos and talk about their recent tandem bicycle adventure in France.  This segment will cover Burgundy, the Loire Valley, and Brittany.

Start digging up new Chili ideas!  The annual Chili Cook-Off is this Sunday, February 12, after church. We need people to bring chili, as well as salads, corn bread, desserts, cheese, and condiments.

Taste as many kinds as you want; and we will vote afterward for the Best Overall Chili, Hottest Chili, Most Unusual Chili, Best Vegetarian Chili, and Most Sustainable (must provide ingredient list).  Prizes will be given.  There is no charge for the dinner, but donations are welcome.

C.S. Lewis and others identify four types of love:  affection, friendship, romance and unconditional love.  On the eve of Valentine’s Day, we will explore a different perspective on love.  Here we find on Valentine’s Day everyone has a sweetheart.

Worship Leader: Sarah Lown
Worship Associate: Sarah Jordan

Arizona has one of the most controversial immigration laws in the United States.  The UUA will hold its 2012 General Assembly in Arizona, a move that has generated controversy of its own.  Former UUYO Minister Susan Frederick-Gray, a leader in resistance to the law, convinced the UUA to come to Arizona to join in the protest.  We will discuss the immigration issue in general and the merits and drawbacks of the UUA’s position.

Matt Alspaugh

Intro

In some of the discussions in our Resilience Circle group, we’ve contended with the issue of how we help one another — or how we don’t. We talked about how our American society so discourages helping one another. It’s better to buy than to ask for help. In one discussion, we realized how it is easier for most of us to go buy a tool at Harbor Freight or Bed, Bath and Beyond than to borrow one from a neighbor. We’re encouraged to hire a pro rather than ask a neighbor to show us how to do minor home or car repairs. Our society tells us that being neighborly, helping and caring for each other, sharing, is passé. As spiritual teacher Ram Dass tells us, “we cling to notions of independence – it is the name of our national holiday – as if it were an essential condition of our well being.”[1]

And yet, at the same time we want to find some connection, to help each other, to share, to care for each other. So it’s complicated.

It is appropriate that helping and caring for one another should come up in the context of church. Michael Durall, a church organization consultant, talked one time with me of the very simple mission of a church he worked with in Minnesota. The mission was, “Here you will be cared for.  But there will come a time when you will be asked to care for someone else.” Now the idea of care can apply to so many things, our spiritual growth, how we function as a community, what we do to care for the world through social justice; but today I want to focus on its meaning as ordinary person-to-person care. How do we care for one another?

Wit

The clip was saw was from the HBO production of Margaret Edson’s Broadway play, Wit. I had been told that this play was partly funded by a grant to teach medical students and other healthcare staff how to offer compassionate care, but that seems not to be true. Rather, Edson, wrote only this one play, based on her experience as a clerk in a research hospital. She has become an elementary school teacher, and has expressed no desire to write anything else since. This film is, however, often used to train medical students and hospital chaplains, which is where I first encountered it.

The story revolves around Vivian Bearing, a tough-as-nails English professor and expert on the poetry of John Donne, who is diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. She enters a research trial, and we follow her experience in the hospital, and her own coming to terms with her condition and her coming death.

We learn that Dr. Bearing has no family and almost no friends, and in fact the scene we saw, in which her former PhD advisor visits, is the only visitor she has in the entire play.

To be alone. To be without family nearby, friends, community. How terrifying. If there is a motive, a subtext for one to join a church, it is to have community, to know that someone will notice us, and care for us when we need care.

Two Kinds of Care

Let me acknowledge that the care that we offer in the church community is often divided — sometimes artificially — into two kinds. The first kind is physical care that people offer one another. Someone needs a ride to church or to doctor’s appointments. An elderly member living alone needs someone to call every morning just to check in, to make sure everything is all right. After a tragedy, a death, or a hospitalization, people bring hot dishes to a family so they have one less thing to worry about during the chaos that such situations bring.

The second kind of care is often labeled pastoral care or spiritual care. This care is less about doing than being. In most churches this is traditionally seen as the minister’s role. A congregant ends up in the hospital, and wants to talk about all that is going on, his fears, his worries, maybe feelings of guilt. Another visits her doctor and gets a troubling diagnosis. Who to talk with? Family members are too close, they are too anxious, maybe; friends aren’t able to listen; most people around her want to avoid saying the hard words: surgery, disfigurement, chemotherapy, disability, death. It requires a little skill, and more than a little courage, to be able to talk with, and listen to, people in such times of crisis.

But I’m becoming aware that this division of labor between the physical care and the pastoral care is too neat and artificial. For example, you agree to give a friend here at church a ride to the doctor, and at the doctor she is told some bad news. Suddenly the ride home takes on a different character, and you find yourself in a pastoral role, whether you wanted to be or not. Or you agree to visit someone living alone, homebound, as part of a pastoral visiting program, you plan on just having conversation. You get to his house, and you realize that there are serious safety issues in the household — how do you respond?

Issues in Care

These are some of the questions that arise in caregiving. Another important question is this: is it possible to give too much? Some people who offer care are like the Giving Tree in Shel Silverstein’s story. You probably know that that story has been roundly criticized — the boy essentially consumes the tree. It seems almost a model of our society’s relationship with the earth!

But the tree offered to provide for the boy. Like many caregivers, the tree had no boundaries; whatever is asked for, it was willing to give its all. It gave until there was nothing left. This is burnout and it can lead to bad consequences.

While my dad was dying, his wife engaged a recently unemployed friend to sit with him each night — you see, he suffered from dementia, and would sometimes awaken at night in confusion and terror. This friend did an excellent job, but she worked continuously, without a night off, for three weeks, until just a few days before he died. At his funeral service, this woman suffered a heart attack. I’m sure the stress of the whole experience took its toll on her.

A Care Team

Some of these concerns came up in a recent discussion at UUYO about forming a caring team. About a month ago, one of the discussions in the Resilience Circle revolved around how we care for one another, and Cathy Kajut and Kadey Kimpel suggested we needed to do more. So several of us in the congregation met to talk about this. We met in Melissa Smith’s room over at Park Vista Rehab, since her mobility is limited and she wanted to be part of the conversation.

What we realized as we talked, this group of both the carers and the cared for, is that in the past we tended to respond one-on-one or in small informal groups to care for people we knew in the church. This worked fine, it filled the immediate need, but problems cropped up.

The main thing that happened was that individual caregivers often had no-one to turn to, if they felt overloaded or could not continue to help. They sometimes felt obligated to do things that were uncomfortable or risky for them. Some could not lift heavy wheelchairs or power-chairs into and out of a car to help with rides. Others were asked at the doctor’s office, “Would you be OK to be listed as the emergency contact for this person, since they have no nearby relatives?” — which put them on the spot to commit to an uncomfortable responsibility.

And Melissa, speaking for herself, and perhaps other people needing care, acknowledged the difficult emotions that come up when you have to be dependent on other people, especially close friends who are giving freely of their time and attention. As self reliant, independent people, most of us find it hard to ask for help, and hard to receive it. We feel bad when we’re not in a place to turn around and offer care to others because of our own situations.

Melissa told me about encountering an acquaintance at the rehab unit at Park Vista who was learning to cope with life after a stroke. The friend had lost much of her physical ability, and Melissa, herself physically limited and unable to offer much in the way of help to most people, was able to use her own experiences to help this friend. Melissa told me, with some emotion, how she showed her some ideas for navigating her new world, including using speech recognition technology to overcome limitations in using her hands to type. Most of us, once we put aside the false American ideal of the rugged individualist, actually long to be part of a network of support and care. We appreciate help when it’s needed, and we get great joy in offering help when we can.

The pastoral part of caregiving is difficult in its own right. I know that this area was the most terrifying aspect of training for professional ministry for me. I had to overcome my fears and ignorance about this before I even seriously considered ministry. My training in spiritual care includes two years of a part-time facilitator’s training program, field work in a nursing home, a summer working in a hospital, and a year of residency as a hospital chaplain. Even so, I still don’t feel fully competent at offering this kind of care. And yet, it seems to be almost the simplest thing in the world — listening to another — I mean, really listening — asking the obvious, dumb questions, noticing and avoiding assumptions, staying with the hard emotions that arise, without letting them overwhelm you. My supervisor at the hospital told us, “Your role is to be dumb as a box of rocks. Ask questions. Don’t make assumptions.”

So here at UUYO, we will continue to work to create a Caring Team. One model would be a group that meets occasionally, maybe once every couple of months, to share our experiences with giving care, and to seek additional help if necessary. For those that wanted to go deeper, we could explore offering training in aspects of pastoral care. I’d like to suggest that we meet on a Sunday after church, on March 4, to explore what this might look like. Our goal is not to create another layer of bureaucracy, but rather to explore how to be a support group of supporters.

It is somehow appropriate that the protagonist in our video was a professor whose focus of study is the writing of John Donne. Among John Donne’s most famous meditations is number 17, from “Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions”:

No man is an island,  entire of itself;
every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less,
as well as if a promontory were,
as well as if a manor of thy friend’s or of thine own were;  any man’s death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind,
and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
it tolls for thee.[2]

Part of our work as community is to always remember that none of us is an island, entire of ourselves, relying only on ourselves, independent, separate, agents. We are interconnected in complex and enigmatic ways, sometimes obviously known, sometimes with hidden linkages. What helps or harms one helps or harms us all. Our primitive animal beings know this, this is why the emotion wells up in our bodies when we participate in or encounter acts of helping — or harming. Our spiritual beings know this too, generating emotions of a different sort. It is only our rational, thinking beings that sometimes can be persuaded that we are independent, separate selves and that others do not matter. We are wise when we realize that this is separation is a delusion. May we, by caring for each other and being willing to receive care, remind ourselves that we are connected. May we, by caring for one another, create the joyful community that we want UUYO to be.

So the question of the day was Who Cares? Who cares! We all do!

Notes

1 Ram Dass and Paul Gorman, How Can I Help, 1985, p. 135.
2 http://www.luminarium.org/sevenlit/donne/meditation17.php